Dayton's Blog: A pimple on the ass of the Internet.

Cuz it needs to be said before you read any further:





Don't say I didn't warn you. Onward!

Annoying friends and strangers alike, 140 bytes at a time.

• 13:37 twitpic.com/qdiwr - That's right! She can kick all your asses! #
• 14:24 @Televixen Re: Burning popcorn - Some guy at my office has turned that into an art form. Only thing missing when he cooks is a hazmat team. #
• 14:52 Getting ready to talk to @quarksbartender with @kevindilmore, as part of a live @trekcast podcast event! bit.ly/7mY31M #
• 15:00 @Starfleetmom Re: Addy - She's a yellow belt. #
• 16:11 @aprilhebert Thanks for the pimpin'! How's your leg? #
• 17:10 The Droids You're Looking For #starwarsbandnames #

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Annoying friends and strangers alike, 140 bytes at a time.

• 07:38 It's FRIDAY!!!!! I don't want to work. I just want to bang on my drums all day. You know, and all that. #
• 07:43 Screw that 2012 noise. Frikkin' Mayans couldn't predict their own civilization going in the crapper, but they've got the lowdown on mine? #
• 07:52 @EricDives One Mayan priest to the other, "You forgot to carry the five again, didn't you? You ALWAYS forget that shit." #
• 07:53 @Kwamster Re: Snuggie Dancers - As long as one of the dancers isn't the Shamwow guy, it's cool. Otherwise, shit's gettin' nasty. #
• 07:57 Taking an idea from a friend, I'm finally going to write one of those letters to go w/ the Xmas cards - written from the POV of my 3-yr old. #
• 13:25 My BK cup has Edward the Emo Vampire on it. Karmic payback for my Twilight crack the other day? I'm thinking "Yes." Damn. #
• 13:32 LOL!!! A "re-imagining" of 24, as though it was set in 1994. bit.ly/76cDOs (thanks to @showbits for the heads-up!) #
• 15:54 Oh, hell yes. @trekonlinegame is in the house, and they've tracked me down! Ha-HAH! #
• 18:04 @Televixen Re: Laura Bush in those shoes - Well, there's an image no amount of BrainBleach can ever remove.... #
• 19:30 Tune in to a special live ep of @trekcast Sat at 4pm Eastern/1pm Pacific. Q&A w/ me and &kevindilmore! bit.ly/7mY31M #
• 20:29 More on tomorrow's live @trekcast event, and the bigger party happenin' all around it. I wish I was in Vegas... bit.ly/5aQGtM #
• 21:36 @SciFi4Me If I were a betting man, I'd say JJ was just fueling the fanboy rumors for laughs. It's what I'd do :D #

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So, I'm toolin' around the TrekBBS this evening, and I happen across a thread where folks are trying to turn Star Trek episode titles into something you'd hear as the title of a porn flick.

Say what you will....I thought of five or six examples just in the time it took you to read that first sentence.

Anyway, one of the posters in the thread reminds the others that the subject was covered rather well in a previous thread from some time ago. Then a link is provided to what at first seems like an innocuous dialogue, titled "How to have fun with Spock's Brain." Then, one superhuman poster, who goes by the name "payndz201" on TrekBBS (actually author Andy McDermott), took things to a whole new level. The result? A photonovel-esque journey through the classic Star Trek episode "Spock's Brain."



Yeah, you read it right. The rest of the pics pretty much take that ball -- so to speak -- and run with it. Don't say you weren't warned.

Tomorrow, officers and crew of the U.S.S. Las Vegas, a Star Trek fan club based in...you guessed it...Las Vegas, are teaming up with a local Barnes & Noble bookseller to promote the release of the new Star Trek film on DVD and Blu-Ray. There will be a "Star Trek" book fair from 11am to 4pm. As the event name suggests, Star Trek books as well as DVDs and other Trek-related merchandise will be there. In addition to the crew from the Las Vegas, former performers and other staff members from the late and lamented Star Trek: The Experience will also be on hand to join in on the fun.

Also participating will be members of Trekcast, the weekly Star Trek Podcast, and they'll be holding a live edition of their show from the store. The show will stream via Ustream, and Kevin and I have been invited to join in a live interview/Q&A session during the show. For those of you who might be interested in listening to the shenanigans and perhaps throwing a question our way, you can send the Trekcast gang messages via the Ustream setup. All the details can be found on the Trekcast site by clicking right here.

For those of you in Las Vegas who might want to check this out in person, the event is being held at the Barnes & Noble at 3860 Maryland Parkway.

Here's hoping we hear from folks!

Courtesy of friend Ken Gagne over at Showbits.net, comes this parody/re-imagining of 24, with Jack Bauer and the rest of the CTU gang doing their thing...had the show been developed (and set!) in 1994.

Showbits.net: Jack Bauer, 1994



Thanks, Ken!

Annoying friends and strangers alike, 140 bytes at a time.

• 06:59 I wake up and there's gobs of people RT'ing my smart-assed Twilight crack. Dear CBS: I'm ready for my sitcom now! #
• 10:25 Looks like @kevindilmore & I will be chatting live with @trekcast on Saturday as part of a Big Trek DVD event in Vegas. Details to follow! #
• 11:04 @Televixen I only watch porn for the articles. #
• 14:05 @julioangelortiz Re: "Last Stand" link - Thanks for the pimpin' However, the link doesn't seem to work & I get nada when I try to decode it #
• 14:46 @julioangelortiz Now it works. Maybe it was something up with Tinyurl.com. Ah, well. Thanks again! #
• 15:14 Greetings, new followers! What brings you to my corner of Internet Banality? #

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Annoying friends and strangers alike, 140 bytes at a time.

• 07:57 Happy Hump Day, tweeps! Find someone special and share the Hump Day Love! (I always wanted to be a DJ.) #
• 07:58 Today's geek goodness: Lady Robitka T-shirt, courtesy of @janewiedlin. #
• 09:19 RT @Billbossa Best joke in the office: Mangino wasn't mad when he poked a player in the chest; he was checking to see if he was tender. #
• 09:23 Somebody please tell me there's a mashup or a fanfic where Blade goes after Edward. #
• 09:26 @dexterdouglas YES!!!! #
• 09:53 It's Weds, so you know what that means. #boobiewed! Find out what you can do to SAVE SECOND BASE! bit.ly/Q4jGW #
• 10:08 @jvancitters Re: Plane - But you've got all of us to keep you company! #
• 10:41 @jvancitters Re: Story - So, there was this guy sitting on a plane heading for Vegas. Seated next to him was a.... #JVCTales #
• 11:41 Twilight is to vampires as wine coolers are to wine. #ThereISaidIt #
• 11:56 Well, that's a nice change from the normal. ;) RT @kevindilmore Star Trek DVD in my HAND, yo! #
• 13:18 Dear Lady @ Hobby Lobby: It's not necessary to buy EVERY SINGLE Xmas doo-dad in the store in one go. #
• 15:22 If there's one thing I love about #boobiewed, it's two things. Just sayin'. #
• 15:24 RT @Televixen Our Trek episode of DVD Geeks is up! Find out what @larrynemecek & Garrett Wang had to say here: tinyurl.com/yjge4nv #
• 16:05 @Televixen Re: Eggos - Can't wait to see the new commercials: "Leggo my Eggo, Mother Fu..." :: BLAM!!! :: #
• 16:17 Excellent #boobiewed related news RT @BradKCTV5 HHS Secy Kathleen Sebelius weighs in on mammogram controversy. tinyurl.com/yh6mvr4 #
• 17:29 RT @TrekMovie NEW ARTICLE: Library Computer: Review of Star Trek Vanguard: Precipice, by @davidalanmack twurl.nl/qe2af5 #
• 21:56 On the blog: "Last Stand" from my Halloween tweet-a-thon, but formatted to be read by normal folk. bit.ly/2sZVQn #
• 22:49 Note to "webmasters" - If ads are all that work on your site, then your site sucks. Get a real job & quit sponging off of UGO #
• 22:54 Senate's version of the Health Care bill is 2,000+ pages. How will we know if it's any good? When senators opt into the pgm. #

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Back on Halloween, I presented my flash-fiction story "Last Stand" as a series of tweets on Twitter. Each tweet was appended with the hashtag #laststand so folks could keep track of the feed I was conjuring.

Since then, I've had a few requests to make the story available so that it could be read by normal people, without the hashtags and the need to read the feed in reverse chronological order. I've also asked about some kind of follow-up for Twitter, either a sequel to this story or something else entirely. I haven't had time to give that much thought, but I do have an idea or two percolating in the back of my brain. If I have time over the coming holidays, I may put some juice to that and see what happens.

In the meantime, here you go: "Last Stand"

Annoying friends and strangers alike, 140 bytes at a time.

• 07:18 So, I have to send my Zune in for svc/replacement. Yay warranty! (1st person to say "Shoulda bought an iPod" gets my boot in their anus.) #
• 07:20 It's Tuesday and the weather's great here in KC. If you're a penguin. #
• 07:21 There's just a dusting of snow on the roads here in KC. Translation: City commuters will lose their damned minds this morning. #
• 07:22 Still plenty of good news, though! New Trek flick is out on DVD today! Can I get a "W00T!" from the geek community? #
• 07:25 @DamonS23 Re: iPod vs Zune - Yep, having the stores are nice. Of course, I'd likely end up killing the guy behind the counter, so Yay UPS! #
• 07:27 That's what I'm talkin' about! RT @dexterdouglas @daytonward I will give you a Star Trek steelbook w00t, sir! #
• 07:30 @DamonS23 Maybe, but I know people at those kinds of stores, and I know me. Doesn't look good for young buck in company polo shirt :) #
• 07:31 So I'm watching the Sarah Palin interview on Oprah, and her hairdo just screams "I banged the whole football team!" to me. #
• 07:37 Some anonymous Pezhead on the Internet took exception to something I said? However shall I sleep at night. Somebody, hold me. #
• 07:51 Dear Anon Dickhead DMing me and calling me un-American because of Palin comments: FUCK YOU. Go enlist, then we'll talk. Pussy. #
• 07:56 I'm all about dissenting opinions, but if you want to mix it up with me, then have the sack to stand by what you say. #
• 08:15 @TheSciFiChick Re: Amazon/Trek DVD - Got the e-Mail saying they'd shipped mine on Friday. Hoping it gets here today! #
• 09:04 Legit ? from DMer: "Political leanings?" A: Social liberal/fiscal conservative. Neither major party really "does it" for me these days. #
• 09:07 @dexterdouglas Re: Trek DVD - I kinda want the Enterprise model. No practical reason. Just geek lust. #
• 09:11 Which "New Moon" character am I most like? Do they have an option for "disinterested bystander?" tr.im/F95Y #
• 09:12 Thx to @subspacecomms, for pimping me, @kevindilmore & @televixen on the @scifidiner podcast! bit.ly/28lBEZ #
• 09:16 @kevindilmore and I offer up some classic Trek comics tales you might like, over on @comicmix: bit.ly/1kJ6vx #
• 09:27 @tokyorca You, horrible? Perish the thought :) #
• 09:50 RT @wilw: Today only, you can download Shatnerquake from author Jeff Burk (@bizarromagazine) for free. My best, Whil is.gd/4X9YG #
• 14:50 Hmm...I see Twitter has implemented an "update." #
• 15:06 "Who updated Twitter?" "A programmer." "A real programmer, or a 'I took a course at the Learning Annex' programmer?" #
• 16:42 @haleyestes Re: Background - Thank you! Gotta keep that original series love going! #

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A while back, Kevin and I were asked by our friend glennhauman to write an article about Star Trek comics for his comics/genre news site ComicMix.com. The piece was intended to offer fans of the new Star Trek film some examples of good "classic" Trek comics from the more than forty years' worth of stories in which Captain Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise have appeared.

Armed with that mandate, and the knowledge that the piece would run as one of the site's "ComicMix Six" features, Kevin and I descended into our respective vaults. Once there, we began sifting through the archives and other detritus, searching for six stories which we thought offered a balanced representation of "the good stuff" from Star Trek's long history in comics. Since we're incapable of following even the simplest of instructions without finding some way to dork things up, we ended up offering seven candidates.

The result is just in time for the DVD release of the new Star Trek film! ComicMix Six: Classic Star Trek Comics You Should Read.

It's worth noting that we don't offer up these titles as what we think are "the best." Instead, we wanted to provide a worthy candidate from each of the different publishers who have given us Trek comics over the years. Hopefully, our list serves as an entry point to a treasure trove of tales featuring Kirk and Company that many fans might not even know existed.

Many thanks to Glenn and ComicMix for having us over to play!

Annoying friends and strangers alike, 140 bytes at a time.

• 09:29 @Starfleetmom Re: Tribble pic - Awwwww. Hope your foot gets better soon! #
• 09:31 Looks like I just stepped into a huge pile of Monday. #
• 11:16 So the guy in the cube next to mine is on the phone, and he says, "I promise not to use any F-bombs." Pansy. #
• 11:18 Preach the word, sistah! RT @kaylai Check out @DVDGeeks tonight at www.dvdgeeks.tv for some special #startrek guests! #
• 12:25 Sarah Palin was offered nice $$$ to narrate the audiobook version of GOING ROGUE, but had 2 decline as she'd not yet read it. #
• 12:38 UPDATE: Sarah actually did read the audiobook version. She said she found the characters unbelievable & the plot preposterous. #
• 12:40 @smartassredhead Smart ass AND a redhead? I think I'm in love... ;) #
• 12:55 Her: "Would you like extra bacon on your BLT?" Me: "You know me too well." #
• 12:59 .@gryphonrose Sarah Palin was going to take my BLT order, but she kept getting hung up on the spelling, and I had to move on. #
• 13:06 Me: "Okay, I just shampoo'd the rugs." Dog: "What? Is this a fucking dare or something? Cuz you know I'll do it." #
• 15:51 Reading the reactions to Sarah Palin's interview on Oprah is hysterical. Are people watching the same show? #

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So, a co-worker and I are reviewing an error message generated by the third-party software application that our group uses to perform a significant part of our work. Though most of the core software was written by another company, we also add on scripts, GUI screens, and other functionality to suit our needs.

We're looking at the error message spit out by the app, and I go digging into the online help to get the description, probable causes, likely courses of corrective action, and so on. Now, I'm a guy with many, many years of software development experience (as in, some of the younger folk reading this weren't even born when I wrote my first programs). So, it was probably inevitable that I'd say what I said when I beheld what the software laughingly called its "internal documentation."

Me: "Who wrote this piece of shit?"

Co-worker: "A programmer."

Me: "A real programmer, or a 'I took a course at the learning annex because I heard an ad on the radio' programmer?"


Thank you for the inspiration, Richard Castle. :)

Annoying friends and strangers alike, 140 bytes at a time.

• 09:24 Sunday. Much writing planned. Well, the way to my couch in front of the TV and the football game is paved w/ good intentions. #

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Ouch. I hate when that happens.



The sad part is that the Bucs had their chances to win this one, but couldn't seal the deal. They were leading with less than two minutes to go when the Fins got the ball back.

There was a time when the once-vaunted Tampa Bay defense would relish such a setup. There was a time when we as fans could leave the stands or our recliners to tend to Nature's Call, safe in the knowledge that the Pirates In Their Pewter Pants had the situation well in hand. Tasked with holding ground against an opposing offense trying to mount a game-winning drive in the game's closing moments, the Bucs D would be all but consumed with uncontrolled fits of maniacal laughter. And that was before they either pounded your running back into the turf, stripped the ball from his arms so that their own offense could take a couple of knees to run out the clock, or simply picked off your quarterback in stride before high-tailing it to pay dirt. They fed on that type of game. They welcomed the challenge, and on all but the rarest of occasions, they made you pay for your audacity.

That was then. This is now.

Now? Ugh.

Annoying friends and strangers alike, 140 bytes at a time.

• 08:39 It's Saturday and I'm rockin' my Ranger Danger T-shirt, hoping @ThatKevinSmith makes good with that movie some day! #

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Despite a notable lack of progress on Paths of Disharmony, my still-in-development novel for the forthcoming Star Trek: The Typhon Pact mini-series, a bit of progress on other writing fronts has been made over the past couple of days.

First, I completed my revisions and review of the copyedited manuscript for Counterstrike: The Last World War, Book II and mailed those back to Madame Editor on Thursday. The only outstanding task on that front is drafting a new section for the front of the book, a sort of recap of major events from the first novel. I dorked with that yesterday, and I'll finish it either tonight or tomorrow before sending it on to the aforementioned Madame Editor sometime before the end of the weekend.

Next, Kevin and I gathered at Stately Ward Manor to tackle our next assignment: an article for ComicMix focusing on Star Trek comics. We completed a first draft today, and once we both have a chance to read it and make any necessary tweaks, we'll likely fire it off to our editor sometime tomorrow. No idea when it might make it up to the site, but as it's intended to tie into the new Star Trek film and its pending DVD/Blu-Ray release on Tuesday, we're hopeful it will be soon.

Okay. Now I can get back to Paths of Disharmony, right?

Oh, and I still have another short story to write before the end of the month.

Why did I enter NaNoWriMo again?

Annoying friends and strangers alike, 140 bytes at a time.

• 14:17 Awesome! RT @Starfleetmom @daytonward hey check out this caprican buccaneers shirt: tinyurl.com/yl9sf8q #

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My contributor's copy arrived in today's mail. Sweet!



As the cover says, this here be the "Villians!" issue, featuring an in-depth rundown on the "Top 10" villians from onscreen Trek, as well as a look at seven bad guys from "Trek Literature." Thrown in an interview with writer/director Nicholas Meyer, an exclusive sneak peek into the forthcoming Star Trek: The Art of the Film book, and an extract from David Mack's Precipice, the fifth book in Pocket Books' Star Trek: Vanguard series, and you've got a mag chock full of TrekkieGoodness(tm).

Among the TrekLit Peanut Gallery making contributions to the issue:

Christopher L. Bennett
Greg Cox
Keith R.A. DeCandido (kradical)
David R. George III
Bob Greenberger
Bill Leisner (bill_leisner)
David Mack (infinitydog)
Andy Mangels
David McIntee (lonemagpie)
Marco Palmieri
Lance Parkin

Kevin and I also contributed a piece focusing on Nero, as well as a smaller bit highlighting Adrik Thorsen, the Bad Guy du jour for the seminal Star Trek novel Federation.

I've seen this on store shelves, so you should probably run out and buy two or three copies.

Just sayin'.

Annoying friends and strangers alike, 140 bytes at a time.

• 13:15 The latest SciFi Diner Podcast w/ @kevindilmore, @Televixen, @sonofworf and me, on Star Trek XI DVD release tinyurl.com/yzzrht6 #

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