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It is so declared. Let's kick things off. February 1st:


For the love of Jesus H. Christ stuck up Shit Creek with a leaky kayak and only the severed leg of a water buffalo to use as a paddle, have I come to loathe the word "canon."

Specifically, I hate the word in the context of fandom, as it is there that this word has been so misunderstood, so misapplied, and so misrepresented. That anyone could focus so much attention on what is and is not real within the confines of a fictional universe never ceases to boggle my mind. The drama that invariably unfolds whenever debates about "What is canon?" or "Who decides what is canon?" or "Why isn't this canon?" or even -- amazingly enough -- "How can I enjoy this if it's not canon?" are enough to make me want to kick Colonel Taylor's ass to the curb and push the Alpha Omega button my god-damned self.

There you go. Word #1.

Suggestions welcomed. Otherwise, I've got my own list.


( 30 comments — Lay it on me )
Feb. 1st, 2007 11:06 pm (UTC)
But there's a flaw in that if you rule the universe and you strike the word canon from what you deem as important or necessary, wouldn't you be affecting your personal canon as you couldn't call it canon anymore? Why would you get to rule the universe then? Wouldn't this cause some kind of implosion?
Feb. 2nd, 2007 01:23 am (UTC)
Even as I read the initial spate of comments I am preparing a list and adding to it the names of those upon which I will visit appropriate retribution....
Feb. 1st, 2007 11:12 pm (UTC)
You say "what is canon?"

It's a big gun. And it's spelled CANNON. You could look it up. You spelled it wrong every single time.

P.S. - I liked your post so much, I am putting it in my own personal cannon.
Feb. 2nd, 2007 01:23 am (UTC)
Name #2.
Feb. 2nd, 2007 02:05 am (UTC)
Actually, I was going to suggest adding "CANNON" to the list of words to be banned.

I also would like to submit:
-Jim McCain's middle name...
-The Word "Tits"
-Fall Finale (two words; one concept that fucking sucks)
-most of the words that come of Snoop Doggy Dog's mouth

Feb. 2nd, 2007 02:30 am (UTC)
What's wrong with tits? It's easier to say than bazoombas and if you offend someone by saying it you can quickly say, "I said zits." There really isn't a word that rhymes with bazoombas.
Feb. 2nd, 2007 03:08 am (UTC)
A Quickie on Tits
::walks out with a soap box.. and stands on it::


::looks to see if I have very one's attention::

Ok, that is a word I am not very fond of. The way it comes out of the mouth- "tits"

It is such a HARSH sounding word for something that is so soft and round and smooth and perfect. Why mankind EVER thought to invent such a hard word for something that is so very NOT hard. When people say it, it is almost like they are insulting the very thing they are trying to praise.

"Dude..check out those tits..."

See, it is just a slap in face for something one should appreciate. When I think of the word, it is often in conjunction with with the word "bitch" as in "bitch tits". And then I picture the scene in Fight Club with a manboob sport Meatloaf and afterwards, the urge to think about breast is suddenly lost.

There are SOOOO many more words that can used in place of it. Some of the more popular ones are: sweater meat. Over the Shoulder Boulders. Honey dews. Fun bags. Ms. Jacksons (but only if they are nasty). Heckel and Jeckel. Holmes and Watson. Scully and Mulder. Cantaloops (and all other variety of food names). And my personal favorite- boobs.

See, the word boobs is a sound that almost rolls out of the mouth... Boooooooobs. When you say the word, you get this slight vibration in the old adam's apple, which shows that the word is being said properly. Furthermore, it is a word that causes less of a negative reaction when said then when you say "tits"

"Nice Tits"- Drink in the face and a possible slap across the face

"Nice boobs"- a slight smile, a possible slap on the arm or gentle flirt push and then an opportunity to apologize and to buy the lady in question a drink "to make up for my outburst of the obvious".

Finally, there is the word itself. The very DESIGN of the word "boob" has the two "O" in the middle, which look like a pair of ...well, boobs. Add to this the curvature of the "b" at the beginning and end and you have almost four perfect "o" shaped letters..which makes you thinkg of twins..and then twins with ...well, again, boobs. (And I am not going to get into the whole adding suffixes and prefixes to the word "boob" thing....). On the other hand, looking at the word "tits" you have no mirror image symatry. There are the two "t" that look like little minature crosses, which then put in mind the idea of Jesus and the crufixation- and let's face it, when you are looking at breasts, a bleeding suffering holy person should be the LAST thing on your mind. (Even if you are in a church..and she is wearing a catholic school outfit...and you are dressed in a Father Superior costume. Oh shit...TMIY!! sorry... sorry...). And then there is the "i"...which puts in one's mind the idea of a pole and a period. And let's face it- once again, thinking about a woman's aunt flo should be the other last thing on your mind when looking at boobs. And then there is the lone "s"...like a snake out there...or a misformed penis. (Do I have to explain the whole "deformed penis"/ "breast" nonconnection here too?)

Thus, while many people use the word "tits", I much rather use boobs. (And the exception to the rule- when a certain British 80's Pop diva- or 90's Girl Power group- uses the word to describe her/ their heavenly blessed boobs- then it is ok to like the word. But we are neither british, nor a pop sensation, nor even ladies. So we need to lay off the word).

Thank You.

:Steps down from the soap box and walks off...::

Feb. 2nd, 2007 04:17 am (UTC)
Re: A Quickie on Tits

I think I speak for the entire group when I say I believe you've spent a truly disturbing amount of time on this particular thesis.
Feb. 2nd, 2007 04:26 am (UTC)
Re: A Quickie on Tits

Yeah, some might say that I have spend a bit of time on this topic...
but really, can you think of a better topic to think about and analysis and debate about.
The hours and hours and hours spent thinking about it... the days and days of comparison shopping... the never ending quest to find the perfect pair..

Well, worth the time, effort, CTS and even the slaps in the face.

Plus, it adds a certain academic respectibilty to the topic..

Feb. 2nd, 2007 04:34 am (UTC)
Re: A Quickie on Tits
Well, I've always been more of an ass/leg man, myself.

Whoops. Was that out loud?

Feb. 2nd, 2007 04:40 am (UTC)
Re: A Quickie on Tits
Yeah..I apprectiate a good "packmule"...but I found the perfect "packmules" when I was younger. But for me the search for the perfect "pears" is one that is going to go on for years...

Yes, MRS. WARD... we are talking about packmules and our favorite exotic fruit. And might I say to look particularly good this evening; do you loose some weight?
Feb. 2nd, 2007 04:47 am (UTC)
Re: A Quickie on Tits
Sorry, but I gotta side with George Carlin on this one:

"[Tits is] such a friendly sounding word. It sounds like a nickname. 'Hey, Tits, come here. Tits, meet Toots, Toots, Tits, Tits, Toots.' It sounds like a snack doesn't it? Yes, I know, it is, right. But I don't mean the sexist snack, I mean, New Nabisco Tits. The new Cheese Tits, and Corn Tits and Pizza Tits, Sesame Tits Onion Tits, Tater Tits, Yeah. Betcha can't eat just one."
Feb. 2nd, 2007 04:21 am (UTC)
"Fall finale."


This wasn't one on my list, but I like it.

On the one hand, I appreciate that some shows seem to be approaching having to deal with reruns in ways that actually don't screw with the viewer too much. Setting up cliffhangers, or perhaps evolving to two smaller seasons each year. Why not? FX has been doing fine with 12-13 episode "seasons" of their various shows for several years now.

That said, the fact that the traditional networks act like they invented this concept and that they're springing it on us like some kind of early Christmas present makes them worthy of scorn and any stray vegetables you care to lob their way.

On the list it goes.
Feb. 1st, 2007 11:34 pm (UTC)
Oh, and while you're at it, please eliminate "commentator." It's a stupid neologism, for which the more proper "commenter" would have more than sufficed.

A related idiotic word is "orientated," as in "hold on while I use this map to get orientated." At least people recognize this as a useless word when they see it; not so with the ubiquitous "commentator."
Feb. 2nd, 2007 01:25 am (UTC)
Good choice, worthy of consideration, and one I'd not considered. Likewise, "orientate," which even as a young jarhead perfecting land navigation skills used to make me raise my eyebrow and ask what the fuck the instructor was smoking when they used that word....
Feb. 2nd, 2007 12:04 am (UTC)
I don't like this post, therefore, I consider it not to be in 'canon' of your normal posts.

It shall not have happened, because it contradicts your post from November 17, 2004, and clearly, what came before is most certainly canon. Anything that comes after, but doesn't agree, must not have happened.

Because this post is not canon, neither is this reply.

Feb. 2nd, 2007 01:25 am (UTC)
And another name goes on the list....
Feb. 2nd, 2007 03:43 am (UTC)
Awww...crap. Well, that didn't take long.
Feb. 2nd, 2007 12:50 am (UTC)
Gee, I'm surprised you feel that way...
Feb. 2nd, 2007 01:24 am (UTC)
I have the best response to this, but I'm afraid Steve Roby would strangle me if I posted it.

Feb. 2nd, 2007 02:11 am (UTC)
Never Fear the Wrath of Steve Roby
Come- the guy is CANADIAN!!!

What is the worse he can do- force feed you maple syrup and brown sugar fudge? Force you to use the words "oot" and "hoiser"? Make you sit and listen to Anne Murrary and Celine Dion?
:Looks at the last one....shutters:

Ok, maybe the last one is a bit extreme- but hello- Canadian!! They have a system of government where the guy with the most votes WINS!! And even if someone looses a vote, they still give them a "thanks for trying" prize. (Look at Quebec!!)

And besides, I believe I heard that Steve's parents are Newfies and that he is a was born after a night of wild poutine and fries with vinegar binging...
Feb. 2nd, 2007 04:23 am (UTC)
Re: Never Fear the Wrath of Steve Roby
Don't diss Canada.

Canada gave us Rush and William Shatner, to name just a couple of things.

Besides, Steve wrote the Definitive Canon Primer, which makes him Aces in my book.
Feb. 2nd, 2007 04:30 am (UTC)
Re: Never Fear the Wrath of Steve Roby
Hey.. I am NOT dissing Canada- I am half Canadian myself and am very proud of my heritage.
(Hell, I am even 1/2 Newfie...). The country also help give us Pamela Anderson, Foreigner, and my mom, which in turn, produced me... So Yeah Canada!!!

And I agree- Steve has managed to be the Collector Extremis when it comes to Trek fiction and non fiction. (Pss...you said the "C" word).

I was just pointing out that Steve is Canadian and therefore, not one to strangle, attack, harm, or even offend other people. ;o)
Feb. 2nd, 2007 02:07 pm (UTC)
Re: Never Fear the Wrath of Steve Roby
Blame Canada...
Blame Canada...
With all their hockey hubbabaloo
And that bitch Anne Murray too!

- Geoff
(who is one-fourth Canadian)
Feb. 2nd, 2007 04:32 am (UTC)
Re: Never Fear the Wrath of Steve Roby

Canada is also where I got my Canadian Mail-Order Bride.

(Who is actually American, but that's a long story. She was Born Rude, but Raised Polite.)
Feb. 2nd, 2007 04:58 pm (UTC)
Re: Never Fear the Wrath of Steve Roby
Again..not bad mouthing Canada.

Hell, I use to have the Canadian Girlfriend, and if I had been a bit smarter, I would have made her my Canadian Wife..

All I was pointing out was that canada is so polite and nice, that the idea of strangling someone for what they say is a foreign concept to them.
Feb. 2nd, 2007 02:52 pm (UTC)
Re: Never Fear the Wrath of Steve Roby
Ahem. For the record, my mother's from Nova Scotia and my father's from Quebec, and they met in Europe while they were in both serving in what was then still called the Royal Canadian Air Force.

But I've had a rotten cold for the last week and have no energy to power my wrath, so carry on.

(The Internet is a mighty surreal place sometimes.)
Feb. 2nd, 2007 05:04 pm (UTC)
Re: Never Fear the Wrath of Steve Roby
Sorry to hear about your cold...
::hands you some tissues::
Take it easy and relax; we will carry on without you

What part of Quebec does you father come from?
(My mom's mom was from Quebec, and father was from Newfoundland).

And as I have been explaining in many other posts, I was trying to say that you are Canadian and therefore, do not resort to violence when offended or wronged.
Feb. 2nd, 2007 05:14 pm (UTC)
Re: Never Fear the Wrath of Steve Roby
Dad's from Ancienne-Lorette, which is now basically a suburb of Quebec City. If you've been to the Quebec City airport, you've been a few blocks from where he grew up.

As for violence... it is true that we Canadians are a peaceful people. But we are very, very sarcastic sometimes.
Feb. 2nd, 2007 05:18 pm (UTC)
Re: Never Fear the Wrath of Steve Roby
Never been to Quebec City (was promised to be taken there one day but never did go). Most of my Canadian visits were to Montreal (and surrounding areas, including a 200 mile trip NORTH into the woods) and to Toronto.

And as for sarcastism- OHHH YEAH!! My mom could be pretty sarcastic when she wanted to be, and I think I got that particular gift from her.
( 30 comments — Lay it on me )


Dayton Ward

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