Dayton's Blog: A pimple on the ass of the Internet.

Apparently, yet another new translation of the Bible is in order....

The LOLCat Bible



A random sample, from Leviticus 1:

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Burnt cheezeburgerz

1 Teh Ceiling Cat saiz to Mozes, "O hai! Outta ur tabby-nackels, d00dthx.2 U should go saiz this to Izrulites, for to IM me, Hey Ceiling Cat, I can has stuff :) and liek that, they gotta bring me teh cheezeburgers or other good stuff for impruvin teh conneckshun winkwink."

3 Offurings is liek good an all, buts teh haz to be not flawZord cheezeburger, and you can bringz it to mah front d00rz," saiz teh Ceiling Cat.4 Youz to put yer pawz on teh cheezeburger, n sai, 'Sarry for the pwnage, but u no how it is an stuff, kthxbai.'5 N then you is to kill teh Bullock (O NOES! Not teh Sander Bullock! She B hot n all!) in front of us d00dz, n leev teh meesy cheezeburger joocez all ovur teh playce, gross. Iz U retardid?6 Tehn take its buns off and cutz it up, so for kittehs no choke.7 But then you are all leik, 'Cheezeburger wai too rair! DO NOT WANT!' So then you mayk a big fire for to grill it up taystee n stuff kthx.8 Then you, liek, grill it up taystee n stuff kthx.9 But then thair be pikkulz and onyuns n crap on it! O NOES! BLECH! Tayk that garbajge off and stik it up yr harbl, we iz not amused. Srsly. Then we can has it now? Kthxyum.

10 But if U wana bring teh donutz or teh ExBockzs, thatz kewl too, but don U be bringin me no trash, Ceiling Cat will run out of happy and kiil ur d00dz.11 Jest bring it liek norml and throw teh stuff around, liek YAY! ExBockses and donutz n bere! W00T!12 N then you all divvy up teh loot, ain't it grayt to be churchy and take ppls stuff? HA!!1!! Im in ur cherch, eetin yr foodZ n playin wif ur toyz! Moar plz.13 But then you notise some joker brought copy of Zero Wing, and that suckz, so plz to thro away for graet justise. Then U eat and play kthx.

14 An hey, Ceiling Cat lieks teh chikin too dont forgit!15 Jest make sure itz ded and crispy, raw chikin iz gross and makses us frow up.16 No fethurz neether! R U DUM?!17 Look, ur doin it rong, jest get teh 16 peece Xtra Crispy Bucket, with the taytoes and gravy and biskitz, and teh mac n' chz, kthx? What? O ya, Ceiling Cat iz happy, sure yumyum, srsly."

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Too bad it's not out until January. My Christmas shopping would've been done in, like, two minutes.

Hey, did you know there was a novelization for the first Librarian movie, Quest for the Spear?

I didn't.



I stumbled across a copy today at a local Half Price Books.

So far as I can tell, there were no novelizations for the next two films in the series. However, Amazon lists a graphic novel for Return to King Solomon's Mines (which I also somehow missed). The book was published by Atlantis Studios, and their website also indicates some sort of ongoing Librarian series in comic form. However, Mines was released in 2006, and the Atlantis site still lists the series as "coming soon."

The Librarian is a franchise I'd love to play around in, should a license for original tie-in novels ever come about. If the rumors are true and the next entry in the films series gets a theatrical release, a tie-in license isn't out of the question.

That'd be fun. :)

Earlier this week, Book View Cafe held a "Twitter Fiction" contest to celebrate the release of the first title to be released under their Book View Press imprint, Rocket Boy and the Geek Girls, a collection of favorite science fiction stories by writers who are members of BVC, and edited by Phyllis Irene Radford (ramblin_phyl).

The rules of the contest were simple: Create a story using the basic theme "Rocket Boy and the Geek Girls," and compose it for Twitter. In other words, the story could be no more than 140 bytes long. Well, 126, if you count the "@bookviewcafe " which had to precede your tweet.

On a whim, I dashed out the following and fired it through the Twittersphere:

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@bookviewcafe Rocket Boy shouted, "Prepare to be boarded!" The Geek Girls laughed. "Your rocket's too small to penetrate our shields!"

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This just in from the "No shit, Sherlock" Department: Even on Twitter, I'm able to find the gutter.

As luck would have it, somebody at BVC has a sense of humor that approximates mine, as evidenced when they posted the winners list.

I ended up winning a copy of Rocket Boy and the Geek Girls in e-Book form. Not too shabby for 140 bytes worth of work, eh?

Thanks to the kind folks at BVC for hosting the contest, and for selecting my goofy little story. Be sure to check out their site and all the cool stuff they offer, and for those of you looking to get in on the action for a bit of fun, be on the look out for their next TwitterFic contest. They hold them every few weeks or so.

If you think you're a nerd and you don't know who Wil Wheaton is, then you're not a nerd and you need to turn in your NerdCard. Right now.

Star Trek fans know him as Wesley Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Beyond that claim to fame, Wil is a geek of the First Order, having amassed a formidable online following with one of the most entertaining blogs on the 'net, as well as participating in numerous ventures which have all but cemented his place in the annals of Geek Lore. Recent examples include is guest stint on The Big Bang Theory, and his recurring role on the hit webseries The Guild. He's a frequent and welcome guest at Star Trek and other conventions. Oh, and he's also penned a few entertaining and even touching autobiographical tomes about his life in Hollywood. He possesses a keen wit, engaging writing style, and one hell of a wicked sense of humor.

His recent writings also include a series of reviews he wrote for TV Squad, offering up recaps of Star Trek: The Next Generation episodes from his unique perspective as a member of the show's cast. The reviews are damned funny, but the venture was cut short when the budget for the website was cut, and the feature was dropped. Already asked if he might one day collect the reviews for a book, Wil at the time said he originally had not planned to. However, as he had already written several pieces which were never used, he later decided to finish out reviews for TNG's first season, and commenced organizing them along with other notes for a potential book release.

The result of those labors? Memories of the Future, Volume 1.

This first book covers the first half of TNG's first season, from "Encounter At Farpoint" to "Datalore," and it's a treat to read. Self-effacing and charming, Wil still manages to make with the zingers on damned-near every page. I thoroughly enjoyed this first volume, can't wait for Volume 2, and sincerely hope he keeps at it for the rest of TNG's run. Yeah, I know he wasn't there for the entire series, but he's a self-professed fan, so I'm hoping for the whole enchilada.

You can read what Wil has to say on the subject of the book's release by clicking on this linky-type thing right here. Be sure to give a listen to the podcast teasers he provides for some of the episodes, as well. He's releasing one a week, so be sure to revisit his site every so often for the latest updates.

Check it out, whydontcha?

Viewers of Showtime's original series Californication know that Hank Moody, the show's main character portrayed by David Duchovny, once gave man-birth to a weighty tome called God Hates Us All. As the story goes, Hollywood then took his little bit of literary daring-do and turned it into a piece of saccharin, schmaltzy detritus called A Crazy Little Thing Called Love. It is this de-balling of his book that fuels much of Hank Moody's rage and contempt throughout the show's first season.

Being a fictional book and all, I was only partially surprised to discover that somebody has actually turned it into a real book.

I didn't know they were doing this as a tie-in to Californication, let alone that it made it to stores two weeks ahead of another pseudo-metafictional book with similar ties to its parent television series, Heat Wave, as written by "Richard Castle." You know...from Castle?

This notion of publishing a real-world counterpart to a novel or other book referenced within a film or television show isn't wholly original. Recent examples include Oakdale Confidential and The Man from Oakdale, both novels which featured into the ongoing storyline of the soap opera As the World Turns. There's also Bad Twin, written by "Gary Troup," one of the passengers of Oceanic's doomed Flight 815 (Lost). I know there are others, but I'm too lazy to go hunting for them just now. I'm rather happy that I remembered enough about these examples to find them on Amazon.com. If anybody has other titles they know about, throw 'em into the comments section and we'll start compiling a list.

As I'm a fan of both Californication and Castle, I plan to check out both books and see what's what.

As a writer, I just have to say, how frikkin' cool is a ghost-writing gig like THAT? I think I could have way more fun than should be legal doing something like that, even if I had to toil in the shadows, unable to reveal my secret identity. Hell, as long as we're dreaming, if somebody decides to start a line of mysteries written by Thom E. Gemcity, maybe even beginning with Deep Six: The Continuing Adventures of L.J. Tibbs and its sequel, Rock Hollow, uh....I'M LISTENING!!!!!

In the meantime, if anyone in the publishing biz is reading this, I want to talk to you about Picking Up Girls the Wolowitz Way....

Back in 2007, Wil Wheaton started reviewing episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation for TVSquad.com. In addition to providing rather entertaining recaps of a given episode's plot, he also peppered the narrative with first-person recollections of his time on set. The reviews were offered with Wil's...uh...irreverent style :)

Due to budget cuts, the site eliminated the feature after he'd covered about half of TNG's first season episodes. He's decided to collect the reviews into a book, Memories of the Future, which should be available soon. In the meantime, he's offering up a weekly podcast, featuring excerpts from the reviews/etc. for the episodes the book will contain. The first podcast went up this week, offering a look back at TNG's premiere episode, "Encounter at Farpoint." You can check it out right here.

Warning: Explicit language awaits. Consider yourself warned.

Give it a listen, whydontcha.

*** UPDATED SEPTEMBER 8th! ***

Okay, school's starting up for most kids, vacations are over, Labor Day Weekend is here. We've had some great responses, but I'm thinking I've gotten all the pics I'm gonna get.

What was the plan? As I posted originally:

If you're reading this and plan to take one of my/our books with you to read, let's have some pictures! Give it to Mickey Mouse to hold up for a photo op. Lean it up against that sandcastle your kid's building on the beach in Panama City. Better yet, give it to the Hooter's waitress in Panama City. See if the guard outside Buckingham Palace will let you prop it up against his boot for a shot. Hand it to a booth babe at Comic-con. Make kradical pose with it at Shore Leave. If you live near something unique or unusual, let's see a shot with that. Go nuts. Extra points awarded for originality as well as sheer lunacy.

I've got links to what we ended up with down below. In the next few days, I'll revisit everything, and post my "Top 10" favorites. From there, I'll throw out a poll, and see which one comes out on top.

Thanks to everyone who participated!


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From pooka_pest and her iPod:

Open Secrets

From alpinemaps, invoking a bit of nostalgia for my service days:

Glass Empires

Glass Empires, again

From scottpearson and his lovely daughter, Ella:

Open Secrets

Open Secrets, again

And again

(See more pics here.)

From actorz_inc:

Summon the Thunder

STT again

<-- this kind of thing will get me in trouble :)

From @computist on Twitter:

The Genesis Protocol

From julioangelortiz:

Open Secrets

From Kevin Lauderdale, courtesy of his lovely daughters:

Open Secrets

From ronny_corral:

Mere Anarchy

Mirror Universe: Shards and Shadows

From paul_hs, courtesy of his adorable daughter, Sophie:

The 4400: Wet Work

Wet Work, again

From @starfleetmom on Twitter, at the recent Vegas Trek con:

Open Secrets, with her daughter and a couple of friends

Open Secrets again, this time with a shaggy away team

Open Secrets yet again, with "Seven of Nine"

Open Secrets, with Data (just in from South America!)

Open Secrets one more time, with @televixen on Twitter!

** NEW!! **
From friend and fellow writer Kevin Lauderdale, while on vacation in Seattle:

Open Secrets, at the Seattle Public Library

Open Secrets, again, at the Science Fiction Museum and Hall of Fame

** NEW!! **
From @ravendragonstar on Twitter:
Open Secrets, with him at Puamana Maui Hawaii
Glass Empires, with his lovely wife, Gina, also at Puamana Maui Hawaii

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And in the special "PhotoManip-orama" Category:

From Jerad Formby, he of Trekcast.com's Hey, Star Trek! blog:

Oh, myyyyy ** Not safe for work!!! **

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DON'T FORGET TO CHECK FOR MORE ENTRIES, IN THE COMMENTS SECTION!

I've gotten a few responses to my post earlier in the week, challenging folks to send in fun pics of my/Kevin's and my book(s) in odd locales. For those who may have missed it, here's the relevant text from that earlier entry:

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It's getting ready to be summer vacation season. If you're reading this and plan to take one of my/our books with you to read, let's have some pictures! Give it to Mickey Mouse to hold up for a photo op. Lean it up against that sandcastle your kid's building on the beach in Panama City. See if the guard outside Buckingham Palace will let you prop it up against his boot for a shot. Hand it to a booth babe at Comic-con. Make kradical pose with it at Shore Leave. If you live near something unique or unusual, let's see a shot with that. Go nuts. Extra points awarded for originality as well as sheer lunacy. I've already had one friend threaten to take a book to a strip club, while one promises to hook me up with a cool photo on the evening of July 4th (Yikes!).

If I get some fun responses, I'll set up a dedicated LJ entry for the pics. We'll hold a poll to pick the best/favorite pic, and the owner will get some kind of prize.

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My sister had already sent a picture to me, of my niece reading a copy of In the Name of Honor while in the bathroom (no worries: no private bits are visible, but you can see the hardware behind her, letting you know the location). While that's a good start, we're looking for something bold! Example: from friend bensouttatown comes this bit:

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So, I used to work at a kid's amusement park that had a great little chairlift ride. I've decided at some point this summer, I wanted to read a book entirely on the chairlift, and just ride it for as long as it takes me to read the book. I was already considering Open Secrets as the book I'd use, (own it, but haven't read it yet.) but this cinched it for me. I will read Open Secrets from first page to last while riding an amusement park ride, and see if I can get some pics for you.
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The other couple of responses I got were just promises/threats, advising me that rounds were coming down range. Got an idea? Let's see whatchoo got!

Came home today to find a box from Amazon.com. Inside: the Burn Notice novel The End Game by Tod Goldberg, along with the soundtrack for the new Star Trek film as well as the audiobook of the film's novelization, written by Alan Dean Foster and read by Zachary Quinto (the new Spock). Running time for the unabridged audiobook is 8.5 hours; nice commuting fodder for my Zune.

Whatchoogot?

Received a heads-up e-Mail about this from the good folks at Reading is Fundamental, and thought it was definitely worth sharing:

"Reading Is Fundamental (RIF), the nation's oldest and largest children and families' literacy nonprofit organization, encourages parents to celebrate Reading Is Fun Week with their children May 12–18."

Definitely worth checking out!

In related news, I'm very happy to report that Addy's preferred method for spending time is curling up on the floor with a bunch of her favorite books arrayed around her. She flips the pages and talks incessantly while doing so, and while none of us boring grups can understand most of what she's saying, she seems quite content with that (for now, at least). Can't wait to see where we are with this a year from now.

Life is good.

Well, it seems that Amazon.com was the winner of the auctioned copy of J.K. Rowling's The Tales of Beedle the Bard. For those who don't know and might care, the book is one of only seven hand-written and hand-bound copies featuring five fairy tales which are referenced in Rowling's final Harry Potter book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Six of the seven copies were given as beautiful, personal gifts to cherished friends who helped and supported her throughout her years of writing the Potter stories. The seventh was put up for auction, with the proceeds going to Rowling's charity, The Children's Voice. The auction earned nearly four million dollars for the organization.

Read all about it here: The Fairy Tales of J.K. Rowling.

Based on the pictures Amazon has posted showing the interior of the copy they bought, the volume is gorgeous and lovingly crafted. When I first read what she'd done, I was struck by the elegant simplicity of the idea (and duly impressed with the amount of effort required to bring such an idea to fruition).

(Hey, you think anybody would go for a hand-typed, printed-at-the-push-of-a-button version of "The Tellarite Story"? If so, I could save a bundle on last-minute Christmas shopping.)

Now, I've not read any of the Harry Potter books (fantasy, wizardry, etc. just really aren't my thing), but I've been following this story off and on since I first heard about it. The most incredible thing about is the uproar from the HP fan community, who feel slighted because the book of fairy tales -- which, as I understand it, are absolutely non-essential with regards to reading and enjoying the HP books -- is not being made available to the public. The reactions, such as those you can read if you follow the link to Amazon and check out the discussions at the bottom of the page, are both hilarious and more than a little pathetic.

Were I a reader and fan of the HP books, I might sympathize with the notion of feeling left out. Were a book or similar product relating to one of my favorite series made available by the author in such a limited manner, I might feel a bit stung at first, even though I'd like to think that logic and reason eventually would win out over emotion. On the other hand, and as a writer who feels it's my decision and not the readers' about what I write and how or even if I choose to distribute what I write-- tie-in work notwithstanding, of course....editors give me my marching orders there -- I have to side with Rowling. It was a wonderful gesture to her friends and it netted a nice chunk of change for her charity. While publishing the book for the general public would probably make a lot of fans happy, it also would cheapen Rowling's original intent. Of course, when I say all this, I'm voicing it from the standpoint of trying not to be cynical, and hoping her motivations for this were indeed honorable and that she and Amazon haven't entered into some arrangement whereby the book will suddenly appear in the coming months (you know, like an exclusive Kindle edition or something).

Here's hoping.

I don't remember if I've mentioned it here, but some folks who know me from elsewhere may recall that Richard Matheson's I Am Legend is one of my all-time favorite books. I've lost count of the number of times I've read the story since discovering a battered copy of the book in a school library at the age of 11. Since then, a my own library has never been without a copy, and I still revisit it on occasion when the mood strikes.

I'm also very excited about the forthcoming (third) movie based on the book, due out next month and starring Will Smith in the role of the book's central character, Robert Neville. Recently, I've seen new editions of the book in both trade and mass market paperback formats in stores (which is actually a re-issue of a book containing not only the novel but also several of Matheson's short stories) as the new movie gets closer to its release date, but while perusing a local Borders today I happened upon a small slice of fanboy goodness.

An unabridged audio adaptation of the original novel.

I love audiobooks, particularly unabridged editions. They're great for long drives, or just for breaking the routine of listening to music or talk radio on the commutes to and from work. But, where the hell has this been? If it's been out before now, I'm afraid I'll have to plead ignorance, as I never knew. There was but a single copy on the shelf, and I snatched it up without a second thought. Neville's comin' out tonight, suckas!

Me am happy fanboy.