Dayton's Blog: A pimple on the ass of the Internet.

Raise your hands if your kids came home from school today and began spouting liberal talking points like the good little Obamanauts we all knew they'd become upon hearing the president's speech to school children.

What? No takers? None at all? Come on, there has to be at least one nutbag out there still fuming about the brainwashing that supposedly took place today.

In case anybody's wondering, the transcript of the speech can be read by clicking on this linky-type thing right here.

I'm still waiting on the Republican rebuttal.....

So, let me get this straight:

Next Tuesday, President Obama will address our nation's youth, via the White House website and C-SPAN, during which he will advocate the necessity and benefits of staying in school, doing your best, and all those things I remember hearing from my parents when I was a kid in school.

Some parents, petrified at whatever subversive message might spew forth from a Commander in Chief for whom they did not vote, have decided to act. They won't stand for any President of the United States talking to their kids about the merits of staying in school. No fucking way that can happen. Instead, they're opting to keep their children out of school that day. Better they stay home, playing XBox or downloading shitty music from torrent sites or surfing Dad's porn collection on the laptop than go to school and perhaps be inspired to learn something.

PoliticsDaily.com: "Protecting Our Kids From Obama's Subversive 'Eat Your Peas' Message"

What the hell is wrong with people? What the hell is wrong with schools who cater to these morons? Requiring permission slips TO HEAR A SPEECH FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES? And just so they can cover their ass and avoid fallout from aforementioned stupid parents?

As has been pointed out, both Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush gave similar speeches during their terms to school children. It would've been nice to see our previous president engage kids in this manner, if only to demonstrate to anyone paying attention what happens when you don't take school seriously, and instead get by on family lineage and favors.

Do parents actually think that little Johnny Fourth Grader is going to have his brain absorbed by the Obamatron? After the assimilation is complete, will Johnny come home from school and -- prior to sluffing off his homework in favor of playing Guitar Hero -- launch into a litany of liberal talking points about the ailing economy or health care, all while the ghost of Lenin whacks off in the corner?

You know what? Fuck those people. They're lost causes, but there's still a small chance their children can be rescued from passing on to future generations whatever parental stupidity, bigotry, and apathy which might already have rubbed off on them.

Assuming, of course, that they're not kept from going to school by their useless, ignorant, paranoid parents.


(Thanks to kvaadk for the link.)

Courtesy of the one and only popfiend!

Thanks to Governor Mark Sandford's trainwreck press conference from yesterday, the folks at SomethingPositive.net have come up with something to help us through what is fast becoming a rapidly-recurring sequence of events:

SomethingPositive.net: Political Press Confession Bingo!

My personal favorite: "I'd also like to apologize to my staff, but if they'd lied better then I wouldn't be in this situation so fuck them. Fuck them in the face."



I'm only pissed that I didn't think of something like this first.

1. Carnac the Magnificent, holding a sealed envelope to his turban-adorned head, says, "Teleprompters. Hand shakes. Mustard on burgers."
   
   
2. Carnac the Magnificent opens the envelope and removes the card contained within.
   
   
3. Carnac the Magnificent reads from the card: "Just three of numerous glaring examples showing how useless and irrelevant a mob of twat-waffles the Republican Party is fast becoming."
   

I mean, this is a big deal? REALLY??

Cripes, this shit makes me sick.

By now, many of you must have heard of this idiotic group, the "National Organization for Marriage," and their "doomsday ad" decrying the "gathering storm of gay marriage" which threatens the sacred union between man and woman, blah blah blah. If not, here's a link to it on YouTube.

A visit to the NOM website made me want to gouge out my eyes with a screwdriver. What it all boils down to is "Two dudes or two chicks together is bad. Never mind that, statistically speaking, my priest is more likely to ass rape my son before a gay marriage has any real impact on my home life."

Can I get an "Amen?"

You may also know that NOM had to go out and recruit "actors" (and I use the term in the most respectful junior high school play sense, of course) for the ad, apparently having no small amount of bad luck finding within their own ranks actual close-minded bigots with the basic language and reading skills to fill the ad's needs. MSNBC's Rachel Maddow has a bit on that, also on YouTube.

Morons.

Of course, the parodies are already flooding YouTube, as well, such as this one and this one.

As for me, I've already commented a few times on the issue of gay marriage and its threat to the sanctity of "real marriage," so I'm just going to point to a post I made back in October 2008, as my stance hasn't changed.

Amen.

Thanks to infinitydog for the heads-up.

CNN.com: Obama retakes oath of office after Roberts' mistake.

There. Can the man be allowed to get back to work now?

This should lay to rest all the nutters out there yelling about how Obama wasn't really the president because of the flub committed during his swearing-in on Tuesday. Said nutters are now free to go about other tasks, such as scheduling appointments with family physicians to have their head surgically extracted from their ass.

Play on, boys and girls.

Powerful and inspiring. It's not a cure-all for our nation's ills, of course; instead, it's an offer of promise and hope that we'll once again be traveling the path that's right and proper for a people possessing of such wondrous potential:

MTV.com: President Barack Obama's Inaugural Address: Full Text

Some highlights:

"What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them - that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works..."


"As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our Founding Fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake."


"For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace."


"As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages. We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment - a moment that will define a generation - it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all."

Sent to me by several folks today...as originally published by Andy Borowitz at The Huffington Post:


Obama's Use of Complete Sentences Stirs Controversy.

For those interested, several outlets have posted transcripts for both Obama's and McCain's speeches last night. Here's CNN's, in the order the speeches originally were delivered:

Senator McCain's concession speech

Senator Obama's victory speech

I'm not reflecting on the election results, or the two candidates, or the protracted campaign they waged over...what? 137 years? Nah. I'm not pondering the "historic" nature of our electing the first African-American to the presidency, other than I'm still a bit ashamed it took us until 2008, and that we still need to view it with words like "historic" and "groundbreaking." The fact that we have to invoke such descriptions tells us there's still quite a bit of road to travel, but that's fodder for another day's thinking.

No, I'm not dwelling on any of that.

What I'm thinking about, and what dominated my thoughts throughout yesterday's events, were the people who turned out to vote. As fictional president Jed Bartlet once said (quoting either Harry S Truman or Woody Allen, depending on who you want to believe), "Decisions are made by those who show up." Well, show up they did, and not just huge numbers of people, which by itself was heartwarming, but huge numbers of young people. By young, I mean those 18 to 21-year olds participating for the first time in the process, grasping with unrestrained passion one of the true rights and privileges -- and yes, responsibilities -- that come with being a citizen of this country.

After voting, I decided to hang out a few minutes and just watch the scene at my polling place. It was a treat; a real, honest to God treat. Hundreds of people were waiting in line, far more than I'd ever seen show up for a vote of any sort in all the years I've lived here. It was a diverse group -- young, old, black, white -- and the vibe permeating the crowd was palpable. Both parties were well represented, along with a wide swath of ideologies, hopes, and dreams, as evidenced by the signage, buttons, stickers, etc. People were talking in line, and though you could generally figure out where a waiting voter stood within the political spectrum, what was not in evidence was the bitter divisions I'm supposed to believe -- thanks to our media -- permeate everything and everyone these days. There was more consensus than not; more common ground than not. At the end of it all, most people seemed to want the same things: A change from the status quo, and a badly-needed course correction toward a better future. I wouldn't go so far as to say anyone's mind was changed while waiting in line, but it's a nice thought.

So, yes, yesterday was a Good Day, and one I hope starts our country down a path of healing. But, what made it a Better Day -- if not the Best Day -- was how we got there. We got there because of those who showed up.

Senator McCain has called Senator (excuse me...President-Elect!) Obama, and offered his concession, and now my local CBS station has cut in to broadcast his concession speech. It's actually one of the classier speeches I've heard him give in one hell of a long time.

In other words, he was like the McCain I used to know and respect. If it had been this McCain waging the campaign, instead of the Rovian hand-puppet we ended up getting, we might well be viewing a vastly different result tonight.

Okay, folks: Looks like we're getting the change we've been clamoring for. Now, let's not fuck it up.

But, we can worry about that tomorrow. Tonight? Tonight, we celebrate!

Copy this sentence into your LiveJournal if you're in a heterosexual marriage, and you don't want it "protected" by the bigots who think that gay marriage hurts it somehow.

Come March, my wife and I will have been married for 18 years. Not once during that lengthy span of time have I ever felt my marriage threatened by the actions of other individuals, be they gay, straight, undecided, experimental, or whatever. The notion that allowing two consenting adults who just happen to be of the same sex to share their lives -- and to have that union recognized by the government -- would do irreparable harm to the institution of marriage is, in a word, bullshit.

As I once wrote in my LJ on this topic:

-----

Gays getting married doesn't "weaken the institution." Heterosexuals not taking seriously the commitment they've made, either before God, the Justice of the Peace, or Elvis at the Chapel O' Love in Vegas, weakens the institution. Heterosexuals going through life acting as though a marriage has all the same inherent responsibilities as maintaining your video rental membership weakens the institution. Heterosexuals fucking around on their spouses weakens the institution. So, shut up about what weakens the institution; you're boring the shit out of me. Also, I'm not impressed with anything any Catholic priest has to say on this issue. Get your house in order, stop diddling your acolytes or covering up for those who do, and then -- maybe -- we'll talk.

-----

For me, whether to allow gays to marry and receive all the benefits marriage brings (including some big-ticket items like being able to adopt a kid, getting a joint health insurance plan, visiting your partner in the ICU at the hospital, or receiving death benefits upon the loss of that partner, just to name a few off the top of my head), boils down to simple points: You either are for equal protection without discrimination under the law for all citizens, or you're not. You either support freedom for all, or you don't. Period.

In fact, if you don't, then so far as I'm concerned, you're a traitor to the bedrock principles on which this country was founded. Get the fuck out.

Everytime you hear "Joe the Plumber," drink a shot.


And not for nothing, but fuck all those Joe the Plumbers and their "I don't have the part on the truck, I have to go back to the shop after making you wait all day for me to show up sometime between 8am and 5pm" bullshit. Suck it, Joes. Suck it long, and suck it hard.

In the wake of last night's VP debate, the concept of who makes up the mysterious demographic known as "Joe Six-Pack" has been analyzed with utmost precision by copperwise:

Copperwise: Hey there, Joe-SixPack

No matter where you fall in the political spectrum, you owe it to yourself to read this. Then, you should consider linking to it from your own blog.

I'm Joe Six-Pack, and I approve that message.

Aaron Sorkin has the answer, and he gave it to Maureen Dowd.

Thanks to my good friend Bob Greenberger for pointing me toward this on this fine Sunday morning:

Seeking a President Who Gives Goose Bumps? So’s Obama.

This, quite simply, is Made of Awesome.

Oh my god.

This is the funniest fucking thing I've read in a week. Before you proceed, beware: It's rude, crude, politically incorrect, and socially unacceptable...just a few of the reasons I loved it. Chris Rock, where the hell are you?

Black Comic Introduces McCain to the RNC

Do you really, Senator? Do you actually, honestly approve of the non-stop train of ridiculous, disingenuous, hyperbolic bullshit coming from your campaign, and apparently endorsed by you? Statements such as those included in one of your newest ads, as reported here:

MSNBC: Ad on sex education distorts Obama policy

There's only one way to describe such a blatant mischaracterization: Disgusting.

For your sake, I hope you've just made the egregious mistake of bestowing carte blanche authority to the cabal of dick-suckers and skirt-hangers associated with your campaign, and are therefore woefully out of touch with the slander and libel being carried out in your name. At least then, you come off as criminally disengaged (a trait valued by our current president), rather than simply evil.

Stolen without shame from tapestry01:

Jesus Christ Quits Christianity After Viewing Republican Platform.


My favorite line:

"I figure after 2,000 years it’s about time there was a book about me," said Christ. "You know, from someone who was actually there."

:D

Are you guys for real?

How many different pooches can you find to screw with regard to this Sarah Palin thing? This whole mess is getting so ridiculous, even the writers of latter-season Three's Company scripts are shaking their heads in disbelief.

Actually, the whole thing smacks of a plot hatched by some out-of-work soap opera writers. Any second now I expect us all to be confronted with the revelation that the Sarah Palin we've been seeing the past few days is actually her evil twin sister, whereas the real, wholesome, pure Sarah Palin has until just recently been held captive on a remote tropical island.

Another possibility is that all of this is in reality a master stroke of Democrat strategy, in that Karl Rove is actually a sleeper agent for the DNC, placed into position years ago and only activated via codeword earlier this year. Given Rove's absolute ruthlessness when it comes to his abilities as a political operative, it's the only explanation for so many total fuck-ups taking place while he still consumes oxygen.

 

Okay. That was an interesting choice. I'm confused as hell, but I give points for not going with the safe pick like Romney or (I shudder to say his name aloud) Huckabee.

(Of course, the fact that Huckabee says this is a good choice should be enough to make me shudder, anyway.)

As others have already pointed out, it seems like an obvious move to pander to those who remain bitter about Hillary's spectacular failure to secure the nomination and the fact that Obama didn't anoint her VP (either or both of which were foretold in holy scripture millenia ago, depending on which translation you prefer). If people are so stupid as to use that criteria for choosing who they vote for, then I have to tell you....the world would be better off if that group just stayed home and fucked each other like rabid monkeys until genetics wins out and they all simply dissolve into the carpet.

Palin's relative inexperience pretty much neuters any chance McCain had of going after Obama's qualifications or lack thereof. Yeah, she was a governor rather than a senator, and yeah, she spent the bulk of the past two years actually working in her elected position rather than continuously reaching for the next rung on the ladder, but let's be honest...governing the 45 or so people who live in Alaska is no mean feat. For crying out loud, if her family has to relocate to Washington, that many people leaving the state may actually end up taking away one of Alaska's electoral votes for the next election. 'Pubs, you need to be thinking bigger picture, here.

She's also got a few red flags that baffle me, particularly so far as her being vetted by McCain's team of dirt-diggers and gossip-mongers is concerned. Either they're certain the allegations are bullshit, or else they've already dispatched Darth Rove to deal with the problems and those who cause/caused them.

It's worth pointing out that, according to her bio, she once was the runner-up in a beauty pageant. That's good. Come November...she'll already know what it feels like to come in second.

Note to Self: TiVo the VP debate.